Although I’ve loosened up quite a bit since I was in high school and college, I am a creature of routine. Back then, I left at the same strange time every morning (6:23 AM); I ate pretty much the same meal for breakfast; and I went to bed at the same time every evening (9:00 PM). While I am still in bed early (earlier than before, actually), the other two things vary depending on the day.
I’m well aware, though, that in order for me to get my books written, I’m going to have to stick to some kind of writing routine—and one that includes writing at least a few days a week, if not every day. That would actually be fine if I were working 40 hours a week at my day job, but I’m currently working closer to 60.
Luckily, that should let up in the next couple months. That means Saturdays will be spent outlining and putting puzzle pieces together (assuming I’m not behind on the tasks for the job that pays me now). I’ll also have to plan a marketing strategy that begins while I’m writing the book—another thing I’ll have to figure into my routine.
For now, though, the project itself feels like a tangled ball of twine: lots of knots to unravel and make sense of. I haven’t decided if my inability to sit at my computer or notebook to untie the knots is a good thing or not. On one hand, it means my brain and my subconscious can work through it. On the other hand, I’m afraid there’s not enough time spent actively working through it.
That’s the crux, though—the fear. It only looks like productivity, but imposter syndrome, my weird idiosyncrasies of being seen, and my tendency for perfectionism (which is always a fight) are attaching to the fear of not being productive enough.
So, now you know how writing causes anxiety and fear in someone who is completely convinced of her abilities as a writer. (Bet you didn’t think the blog would end on this note, did you? I like to keep everyone on their toes.)
Nicely written. I found that the anxiety lessens as the planning for writing nears completion!
Well said ....keep on...